I just learned that a friend of mine, Jackson, who I admired and looked up to a lot, committed suicide recently. The struggle for me is that he had been sober longer than I have and yet still needed to get relief the way he did. Many of you know that a very dear friend of mine did the same thing a little over three years ago and he was sober 33 plus years at the time he decided he did not want to be here any longer
So as I sit here on this sunny January day the sun doesn’t seem to brighten up my day. Listening to the Allman Brothers play the blues gives me more comfort than does the sun.
Just got off the phone with another one of us who have been around a long time and yet who suffers from this malady of depression. We both graduated from Cal. I find it amazing that we both can go to one of the best universities and yet cant figure out why we cant “get over it,” when it comes to depression.
While I am railing, I watched Prince William and a number of world “leaders” in banking and the medical industrial complex talk about mental health issues yesterday. All I thought was you mother fuckers make money off creating the trauma that predatory capitalism/the military industrial complex manufactures and now you want to create the solution for it. They want to monetize peoples emotional and mental health, AGAIN!
I suffer today because my friend lived in that place where life was no longer worth it. I am sad because he was a caring and loving man. I am angry because those who benefit from the trauma we all carry and perpetuate it to their economic advantage don’t want to deal with the emotional conflicts perpetuated by the systems we live in but want to figure out a way to monetize any relief from them
The opening quote is from AA 12 by 12 pg 79-80