“The last fight left was with myself….”

10312474_785985181440900_5662887777018086031_n  “…Conscience in chains, I watched my integrity slither away and disappear through a gap in the bars.”

I read a fascinating, eye opening,  blog post/article authored by Sarah Knutson, from which the above quote comes from,  in Mad In America this morning.  The link for it is below.  As I like to limit what I write here to 500 words or less the best I am going to do is to give a cursory review here.

As I have articulated from the beginning, I see depression as a manifestation of and inability to resolve those “very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts [that] persist below the level of consciousness…[which] have given our emotions violent twists which have since discolored our personalities and altered our lives for the worse.”(1)

I also don’t think the “mental health,”  industry looks to understand the complexity constructed in our minds, based on those conflicts, that are what I truly believe is the basis for our dis-ease we label depression and what I see as its flip side, anxiety.

10446666_10204349217710974_5055388173445466429_nSarah wrote, “I don’t know about you, but for me, the lines between trauma, stress and suicidal depression can get pretty blurred. Whatever you call it, I feel like I’m being attacked from all sides.”   If you know the Fanatic, she has articulated that she feels like she was being attacked from all sides and everyone.  I don’t necessarily think it is everyone but my way of coping is to isolate whereas the Fanatic interacts with the world on a regular basis.

I decided to just let you read the article because to try and give you a synopsis in 500 words would not do justice to Sarah Knutson’s work.

What I can say is, that after listening to other members of my 12 step fellowships for over 30 years, is that this analysis is more accurate about how we deal with trauma, which is the underlying cause of what the AMA and their ilk have said are “mental health,” issues.  Many of my friends’ children and other youth in this country are dealing with this as well. As far as I am concerned it is trauma which is causing the dis-ease and is emotionally fucking up this country so bad that we were left with Clinton and Trump as the candidates for our highest office and many people believed there was a difference between them psychologically and emotionally.  He is an idiot but remember she laughed and said ‘We came, we saw, he died,”  when she was asked about Ghadafi being killed and sodomized with bayonets.  I know this is severe, but the reality is we are so traumatized as a culture we accept this kind of behavior as normal.

100_1607 (1) Many of my friends roll their eyes when I bring this up at meetings.  A few of my old timer friends calls this my “mantra.” The quote is from the 12 by 12 at pg 79-80!



Link to the Article   https://www.madinamerica.com/2019/01/traumatic-immobility-depression-stress-response/

3 thoughts on ““The last fight left was with myself….”

  1. Really appreciate the connections being explored here – especially between the social phenomena that known as “mental illness” and “addiction” by the mainstream world. Thanks so much for speaking out about realities that no one wants to talk about – but yet so desperately need to be discussed and explored by people of conscience everywhere.
    Here’s the link to the really horrifying Hillary Clinton quote, “We came. We saw. He died.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlz3-OzcExI and also the horrifying reality of Gaddafi’s death, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Muammar_Gaddafi.

  2. You could not be more right about the attitudes you have expressed here about ‘some’ 12 step people with time. I have been fired by sponsors for meds that kept me alive but are abused by others so I can’t live in sober living. I drive under the influence of meds. Many normal people do. Yet my driving is not impaired.
    What I am getting at is the whole “outside issues” and how the base trauma that may have got us in the rooms in the first place are shoved upon us as our resposibility. Yet ,”yet when to do so would injure them or others.” is conveniently forgotten. I too isolate due to this fear of recognition of the full reality of the emotional human. That and “Double Trouble”
    I invite all to step out of their box. Read from an open perspective. And remember what is said about forms of fear. By rolling your eyes instead of reading with them you might be living one of those forms that could save a life. After all, that’s what being helpful is when we get down to it.

    • Melody, Thanks for your response I have friends who take pills from Lithium to Seroquel and everything else and they function as best as they can I have been sober 31 years and have had a way harder time the last 11 years than I did for the first 20 I try to subtly inform the people in the rooms that it is almost always trauma that causes us to seek the relief we seek from drugs and alcohol. I have a guy I am working who cant stop smoking pot I tell him that we can still work together if he wants to. He is trying Worked the steps with another man who could not stop using meth. I probably met with him half a dozen times when he was spinning and I all kept saying to him was keep coming back. He eventually got clean, worked the steps and had some genuine relief for a period of time before he passed. I agree that all we are looking for is someone to bear witness to our suffering so we don’t have to KEEP internalizing it. Once again thanks Melody!

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