Though the years give way to uncertainty…

stunning-smeared-sky-time-lapse-photography-matt-molloy“…and the fear of living for nothing strangles your will.”(1)   These lyrics are the only thing that spoke to me recently.  I have tried 20 times to write a post and gotten bogged down in the analysis of the situations I have experienced recently and stopped.(Damn Brainiac)  Because no matter how much I learn, or experience, or think about, there is a gnawing energy that seems to linger right below my conscious that keeps me from truly experiencing life the way I desire to.*  Because as James Hillman said,  “The soul wants it’s images to be enjoyed and respected.” At many levels I struggle to project my soul’s images.  So I will just tell you about a few experiences I had recently.

I was flying the other day on a flight that was sparsely populated.  As is my way, I started talking to the stewardess.   Her soaring-gullname was Lisa and she lived in Burnit, Texas.(I cant forget that name) She was about 60 with beautiful flowing gray hair and a smile which said how much she wanted and needed to love!  She sat across the aisle of the airplane from me and we talked for about 15 minutes.  The pleasantries completed, somehow we got onto the topic of mental illness.    I shared my personal experience and Lisa opened up and told me that at least half of the stewardesses and pilots who worked for this large airline were in a support group for depression and anxiety and that she knew many of her peers who were taking medication for “mental health,” issues.  When I am in a situation like I was with Lisa from Burnit, Texas, I mostly try to just listen.  Because more than anything, I try to socotra-island-yemenobserve her in such a way to try and “hear,” her tell me with her expressions and body language about her suffering.  Lisa did.  She would always rely on her million dollar smile when it got a little scary, but she told me about her suffering in her life and where it came from.  We had a wonderful conversation and I remember I was taken aback(why I keep thinking the suffering is not across the board) slightly when our chat ended.

‘Nothing isolates us more than power and prestige.”(2)  Lisa was telling me about what she did in her prior life and how becoming a stewardess gave her the economic success she desired, yet she realized that she paid a high price for it.  She 20150902_182534 (2)was never home, her friends drifted away(because she was never home) and her life had become something that she didn’t imagine it would become.  Lisa told me that she had just recently gotten into rescuing horses and donkeys who had been abused and that she derived the most satisfaction just from watching the animals learn that they had a safe place to be on her ranch out there in Burnit, Texas!

“You are more than what you think you are.”(3) I also met another new friend this past week.  As per usual during our first shared coffee, a lot of “stuff,” came out.  It is always amazing to me that when I meet someone new who I am “attracted to,” I 20150902_182432 (2)open up.  What I realized when talking with this friend how much it is that I wanted to connect with her.  Not in the “oh my Ggod fix my life,” kind of way.  I found myself yearning for the shared smile  and more than anything else, the sharing of the humanness that we all seem to carry around but try really hard not to let others know about.

But what I was truly in awe of was her willingness to give up her life to care for her sister, whose bi-polar disorder debilitated her.  Now I know she didn’t give up her life in the total sense, but she said something that floored me.  She said, “what else jess-and-oatiecan I do, she is my sister.”  To me she is truly the hero.  I write here and try to help the struggling alcoholic who suffers from “mental illness,” but I did not give up my life and at some level a sense of comfort to live with someone who is unstable and lives in a lot of fear.( I dont count!!)

123 RW, JZM, JulizaRose, SA, TS, JW!

100_1607

healthInSickSociety.krishnamurti-300x225

(1) Jackson Browne  The Fuse  * I have got a good idea where this comes from, but this post is not about analysis (2) Carl Jung (3) James Hillman from a talk listened to that he did with Dr. Fraser Crane at Pacifica Graduate Institute

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Though the years give way to uncertainty…

    • “Building the psychic vessel of containment, which is another way of speaking of soul-making, seems to require bleeding and leaking as its precondition. Why else go through that work unless we are driven by the despair of our unstoppered condition? The shift from anima-mess to anima-vessel shows in various ways: as a shift from weakness and suffering to humility and sensitivity; from bitterness and complaint to a taste for salt and blood; from focus upon the emotional pain of the wound – its causes, perimeters, cures – to its imaginal depths; from displacements of the womb onto women and “femininity” to its locus in ones own bodily rhythm….The wounded healer does not mean merely that a person has been hurt and can empathise, which is too obvious and never enough to heal. Nor does it mean that a person can heal because he or she has been through an identical process, for this would not help unless the process had utterly altered consciousness. Let is remember that the wounded healer is not any human person, but a personification presenting a kind of consciousness. This kind of consciousness refers to mutilations and afflictions of the body organs in an organ- or body-consciousness. Healing comes then not because one is whole, integrated, and all together, but from a consciousness breaking through dismemberment.” James Hillman.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s