It was a little over a year ago that my dear friend Jerry decided that being on the earth was not something he could do any more. With almost 34 years of sobriety and almost 68 years old, Jerry decided it was not worth doing any more.
What is happening in our world is frightening. The exposure of the dis-ease in our culture manifested with the events that just transpired in the U.S. have brought out the fact that there are people in this world who don’t care whether Jerry suffered or not. They will never know Jerry because they have distanced themselves from their fellow man. As a matter of fact they probably don’t consider Jerry a fellow traveler in this thing called life.
I suffer from the maladies I do because of those deep seated emotional conflicts that were created and buried in my unconscious so long ago that I have forgotten them. But they still have an effect on my life. Do I like it? I think the answer is pretty self evident by my wanting to process whatever is going on inside of me.
“Before the meek inherit they learn to hate themselves.” That is the malady that I suffer with at a level that I cannot comprehend or even understand. There is a lot of anger, which to me is self hate, being projected in our world. Not just the duality of our elections, but the death and violence that have been perpetrated in the last few days around the world.
“Give me love, give me peace.” I truly believe there is a faction in the world who live on the fact that others suffer and they exploit it. Not just husbands and their wives, or parents with their children, but in a larger view, those who control the methods of production and those who don’t control them.
What is it? Why did Jerry stop his own life tragically? Is it because he could no longer just carry his own anxiety and shame, but that he was carrying a share of other peoples’ shame and could not keep carrying it? The sins of the father being passed down to the son.
I believe that those who have divorced themselves from nature, from life being a cycle of helping those around you live a better life because it makes your life richer and better, have so far disconnected themselves from their fellow man that they don’t care about the man who suffers and dies a horrible death at his own hand.
I leave you with this today. A paradigm is shifting. It is not pretty. As a matter is so ugly and scary right now that we just had to pick from two of the most emotionally and spiritually void people I have ever seen. I am not interested in being right because we are losing. The U.S. lost and the rest of the world is suffering as well.
When are we going to see that making others responsible, blaming others, is nothing more than projecting our own inadequacies and not owning them. Then we can label them as different, wrong and eventually evil. Because when we do that, we can harm them and we can relief from our suffering. At least in our minds we can. It is called righteousness. Righteousness will get you alone and or killed.
I face it in my mind every day. I think Jerry did too and it overcame him.
123 RW, JZ, RV, SA, PH, PA.
Quotes from Bruce Springsteens “High Hopes.”