Jung says everything we say is projection. In many instances I question that but when it comes to women….oh my do I ever agree. So when I read this lyric, I decided to talk aloud about it here. I hope this is unifiltered, either that or I will have an agenda and try to influence you!
I have found out with all my relationships that they,(the women) were not who they seemed. They started out a certain way and then either they could not keep up their persona or they were unwilling to listen to my needs and maybe alter their rage or anger. But there was still that pull that kept me thinking that they were going to be who they projected themselves to be.
Metaphorically, it was I who put them up on the screen as much as they wanted me to put them on the screen. Because when I am really honest, it is I who is on the movie screen and who wants you to see me in a certain way. Because I create these defense mechanisms to compensate for my lack of Self.(Ggod self) Well not really a lack of Self, but a lack of belief in my self. A lack of knowing Self.
What I am realizing is that by saying everything I can to “her,”(metaphorically speaking because it is almost every woman I meet who I make into “her” at one level or another) about who I am, my fears, my pain, my weaknesses, my shame and yes my strengths, then the “her,” bubble gets smaller and smaller. She climbs down off that movie screen.
This journey through depression is giving me skills that I think many already have. Actually I think everyone else has these skills and that I am the one who has none. I was just telling my dear friend that I am losing my ability, I should say lost my ability to process information at the level I used to. I dont know if it is really true, but I think it is true, so therefore it is. I am hoping that I am getting more of those qualities that make for a more peace full life.
“And though I’ll never forget your face sometimes I can’t remember my name” That is the best way of saying I will look for the answer to my soul’s need for wholeness outward and will forget that all the answers to life, and yes to my relationships with women, are deeply and safely held inside me. ” “Hey, I can bleed as well as anyone but I need someone to help me sleep.” Because that is the rub. Seeing life through my eyes only leads usually to self consumed ideas that really are just that, ideas. You see, I need to see someone elses eyes to get to sacred space when I do breath work.Well a life lived alone is not one a sacred one in my book.
So I guess I will have to put another lucky lady up on that “movie screen,” so we can go through the process of deflating the ego, lessening the unconscious power those defense mechanisms carry, and truly living “with,” someone. I am tired of living in this bubble wrap and bouncing off of those who I engage with in this world. I just want to be alive and let someone truly know me and I want to truly know another person like that.
Quote from Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby by the Counting Crowes
I just re-read the piece and realized that everything I said about the women in my life, I was really saying about me!!