I drove through the area yesterday where the “Valley Fire,” did it’s “worst,” devastation. The only reason I drove through there is that to go around the area, if traffic was normal, takes me about 30 minutes longer to get to my destination than by driving through the area. As I left Middletown, there was an uneasy feeling in my stomach because I knew. I knew at some level I was driving TOWARDS being triggered.
But my rational mind said I needed to go that way to save that 30 minutes. When time dictates life, I am willing to overlook my soul, my heart and my emotional well being. I am sad that I drove there and I suffered because I did. I still tear up, knowing that the world as we knew it on September 12, 2015 at 1:20 p.m. that day is over. Not so much for me, but for those people who lost their lives as they knew them. I only took the one picture above because I sat in traffic going up the hill and saw the wonderful metaphoric image of the car, the trees, the signs and the street sign that read, “Socrates Mine Rd.” I couldn’t take any more pictures. I dont want to hold any of those images in a form that can trigger me again.
“…everything can become soul; and by taking into its imagination any and all events, psychic space grows.” I asked the Ggods for the quote to use today to talk about something so brutally tragic and devastating and I got the one above from Hillman. What psychic space can come out of seeing such annihilation is something I can’t imagine. Seeing so much devastation, forests burned for miles, entire resorts, composed of well over 50 buildings wiped out, churches burned to the ground, tears at my heart and hurts.
It hurts knowing that feeling of bewilderment myself. No, not from a fire, but losing a relationship that means something to me is just as tragic in it’s own sense. Loss is loss.
But we move on. I saw people in Middletown looking at their houses with that bewilderment yesterday. I saw a man standing looking at his house from the street and I can only imagine what was going through his mind. But he then reached down and picked up a piece of garbage off the street and put it in his pocket. We carry our garbage, the memories which are “films about ghosts,” with us as much as we create new memories every day by the events that we go through and the history we collect. I pray that Hillman is right when he says everything can become soul, that psychic space can grow. Because for me yesterday was not about growing, it was about hurting. Ask me in a year whether I think it was about growth because I am driving the extra 30 minutes today.
123 RV, SA, HK, PA, PH, TS, EP, JM!