“We can’t change anything until we get some fresh ideas, until we begin to see things differently.”

blues-vadim-shtrik1 I struggle with this;  tremendously. The last four years of depression I don’t feel like I have any new idea whatsoever. I don’t think I have anything that could or would contribute to the discourse that would make the world a better place. There is nothing that feels worse than that. It just feels like there is way too much tension inside of me for me to be able to write anything to help anybody else.

11709487_911521702258127_1817418095548286627_nThe last 4 or 5 months my depression has felt like I was the lighthouse and the depression was the wave.

“In every adult there lurks a child–an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. That is the part of the personality which wants to develop and become whole.” (2)   This is the part of my Self that I disconnected with a long time ago and this is the part of me that I need to support and care for and about for me to make it in this world.  This is the part of me that is creative. The side of me that is ‘sparked’ by an idea that is interesting.  The part that loves to live and lives to love.

11251909_775721389193112_5065940686280524041_n“Authentic spiritual writing should have the danger of the ‘two edged sword’, it should be taut and hold that creative tension between redemptive illumination and prophetic challenge.”(3) So the only thing I think that I possess is any prophetic challenge. I don’t think I hold anything that could be seen as redemptive or illuminating.
My struggle with depression seems like it is a deep dark cesspool that no one should have to see. And yet when I listen to my friends talk and more than anything, listen to people who I don’t know talk, I hear the struggle of trying to understand life exacerbated when you have a mind that sees life as nothing but a series of traps.

10349157_10204471369565137_6707722759914875666_nWhere is it that we find this place that created our own mind which only views the world as a place of fear and trepidation?  It is because we have lost the sense of our true selves.  The ones that live in mystery and look forward to it.

Our system has created the straw man that society has chosen to sanctify as real.  That image that our self is somehow less than or incomplete without some “thing.”  We have made possessions our Ggods and forgot that Ggods are mysteries.

We seek assurances by praying at icons as if they are Monty Hall.   We live for the  moment when we can stop the hectic pace and think that that moment or time is the reward for living the life of tension and fear.  That is insane.

finger-touching-nose-of-babyIs it because the messages we are being given are driven by some image of a reality of perfection and peace?  We believe that this place in time is going to be a reward for the “struggle,” of trying to make life make sense from someone else’s perspective.

Life is no more complicated than that boy’s joy when touched by who ever touched him.  Nothing more.

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Opening quote by James Hillman.  (2) -C. G. Jung CW 17: 286 (3) John O’Donohue.

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5 thoughts on ““We can’t change anything until we get some fresh ideas, until we begin to see things differently.”

  1. Everyone struggle with depression is uniquely their own. In sharing it, speaking about it we add specks of light (however tiny they might seem at time) to that dark cesspool. Eventually it pierce it.
    Take Care,
    Daniela (of the Lantern Post).

    • Daniela,
      How is it that we got disconnected? I followed your work and then mysteriously, I stopped. WordPress can be interesting. Well it is good to have you back it again. I will follow your writing again as I always enjoyed your prose. Thanks again!
      Jim

      • WordPress sometimes operates in a mysterious way! But I am glad we can still find each other!
        Best Wishes,
        Daniela

  2. i enjoyed this post. it really got me to thinking.

    i realize all to well what you are going through sucks. those battles don’t make your any less of a human, but likely makes your more of one because of courage and perseverance.

    We can’t change anything until we get some fresh ideas, until we begin to see things differently.

    you started saying how you struggle with this. I too struggled with this.

    and I also cherry picked the following quote:

    Authentic spiritual writing should have the danger of the ‘two edged sword’, it should be taut and hold that creative tension between redemptive illumination and prophetic challenge.”

    with one side of the sword, imagine looking for something small on a large rocky beach. one by one, you begin in turn over each and every stone. one quarter of the way down the beach and still whatever you are looking for hasn’t been found. you’re tired, perhaps your knuckles are bloody, your hands are tired, it’s been hard and maybe you don’t even feel like going on. frustrations and despair kicks in.

    getting to the other side of the sword doesn’t come easy. one quarter of the way down the beach and still whatever you are looking for hasn’t been found. you’re tired, perhaps your knuckles are bloody, your hands are tired, it’s been hard and maybe you don’t even feel like going on. no one would fault you for not going on. you stop, look up and realize, there’s still three quarters of the beach to go. your thought goes to, “if i keep at it, i still can find it.” that side of the sword is hope.

    i can’t force hope on you; i realize the impossibility of that because as hard as i tried, i could not find hope under any rock for nearly two and a half years. i do ask for the realization that even though you’re likely tired after finishing one quarter of beach, that there is 3/4 of the beach to go. hold out hope that you can still find hope to keep turning over rocks. each rock gets you closer to finding whatever you have lost.

  3. Pingback: bipolarsojourner

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