I struggle with this; tremendously. The last four years of depression I don’t feel like I have any new idea whatsoever. I don’t think I have anything that could or would contribute to the discourse that would make the world a better place. There is nothing that feels worse than that. It just feels like there is way too much tension inside of me for me to be able to write anything to help anybody else.
“In every adult there lurks a child–an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. That is the part of the personality which wants to develop and become whole.” (2) This is the part of my Self that I disconnected with a long time ago and this is the part of me that I need to support and care for and about for me to make it in this world. This is the part of me that is creative. The side of me that is ‘sparked’ by an idea that is interesting. The part that loves to live and lives to love.
“Authentic spiritual writing should have the danger of the ‘two edged sword’, it should be taut and hold that creative tension between redemptive illumination and prophetic challenge.”(3) So the only thing I think that I possess is any prophetic challenge. I don’t think I hold anything that could be seen as redemptive or illuminating.
My struggle with depression seems like it is a deep dark cesspool that no one should have to see. And yet when I listen to my friends talk and more than anything, listen to people who I don’t know talk, I hear the struggle of trying to understand life exacerbated when you have a mind that sees life as nothing but a series of traps.
Where is it that we find this place that created our own mind which only views the world as a place of fear and trepidation? It is because we have lost the sense of our true selves. The ones that live in mystery and look forward to it.
Our system has created the straw man that society has chosen to sanctify as real. That image that our self is somehow less than or incomplete without some “thing.” We have made possessions our Ggods and forgot that Ggods are mysteries.
We seek assurances by praying at icons as if they are Monty Hall. We live for the moment when we can stop the hectic pace and think that that moment or time is the reward for living the life of tension and fear. That is insane.
Is it because the messages we are being given are driven by some image of a reality of perfection and peace? We believe that this place in time is going to be a reward for the “struggle,” of trying to make life make sense from someone else’s perspective.
Life is no more complicated than that boy’s joy when touched by who ever touched him. Nothing more.
Opening quote by James Hillman. (2) -C. G. Jung CW 17: 286 (3) John O’Donohue.