“…That is the fundamental nature of puritan goodness.” This is the struggle for me. I have lived my life from the neck up. I could not get in touch with my body. I am now doing a special exercise for trauma relief. Doing it has led me to “look” at a few things from my history. I learned that all of my life I have been looking for relief from the effects of the PTSD.
All my life I have been yearning to express the pathology that is a result of dissociation from the pain that I have held in my body. I have tried to do this, even though all of the messages from the culture say I was not then, and am still not supposed to be in touch with the pain body of the effects of the PTSD. The culture tells me that I am supposed to move on. That I am supposed to help others to get through this to get through this myself.
“The kind of psychology that would support the purtianism, is what I would call ego psychology: behavior psychology, behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, the kinds that try to bring things under control.” I hear my friends say they want to die. That living the way we are is killing them. Well it is. We have this unconscious puritan paradigm that is supportive of the abuse that comes from “spare the rod, spoil the child,” kind of mentality. We know, intuitively, that the pain we try to avoid is the pain of that abuse. But we are taught that we are not to tell others what happened to us. That is all good and well if we live our lives from a place of our hearts and spirits. But some of us cant. We are bound by the rules of this puritan paradigm. We dont feel we can defend ourselves.
I am hopefully coming out of a four month depression. It has been and still is hell. My friends know about it. I try not to push it on those who read this. The gory details of treatment resistant depression are so that we usually cant express them without sounding like we are whining.
But what is going on is I am hopefully getting the courage to go to the next level and start speaking about healing this dis-ease I am carrying and I have a pretty good idea you might be also.
123 RW, JZ, PA, RV, SA,
Listeing to Loggins and Messina, circa 1976 while writing this. Check it out! Loggins and Messina – Full Concert Recorded Live: 7/9/1976 – Capitol Theatre (Passaic, NJ)
**I am not seeing my own posts in my reader. I am wondering if others are also?