“We are supposed to be sensually numb…”

 4 cowboy hat shade“…That is the fundamental nature of puritan goodness.”   This is the struggle for me.  I have lived my life from the neck up.  I could not get in touch with my body.  I am now doing a special exercise for trauma relief.  Doing it has led me to “look” at a few things from my history.  I learned that all of my life I have been looking for relief from the effects of the PTSD.

dsc09492All my life I have been yearning to express the pathology that is a result of dissociation from the pain that I have held in my body.  I have tried to do this, even though all of the messages from the culture say I was  not then, and am still not supposed to be in touch with the pain body of the effects of the PTSD.  The culture tells me that I am supposed to move on.  That I am supposed to help others to get through this to get through this myself.

“The kind of psychology that would support the purtianism, is what I would call ego psychology: behavior dsc09491psychology, behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, the kinds that try to bring things under control.”  I hear my friends say they want to die.  That living the way we are is killing them.  Well it is.  We have this unconscious puritan paradigm that is supportive of the abuse that comes from “spare the rod, spoil the child,” kind of mentality.  We know, intuitively, that the pain we try to avoid  is the pain of that abuse.  But we are taught that we are not to tell others what happened to us.  That is all good and well if we live our lives from a place of our hearts and spirits.  But some of us cant.  We are bound 326684by the rules of this puritan paradigm.  We dont feel we can defend ourselves.

I am hopefully coming out of a four month depression.  It has been and still is hell.  My friends know about it.  I try not to push it on those who read this.  The gory details of treatment resistant depression are so that we usually cant express them without sounding like we are whining.

normal1-e1385992240158I am not whining about what happened to me.  I am living with it the best I can.  I am.  However I am sad that I am not alone with this.  I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

But what is going on is I am hopefully getting the courage to go to the next level and start speaking about healing this dis-ease I am carrying and I have a pretty good idea you might be also.

123 RW, JZ, PA, RV, SA,

hillmanQuotes from James Hillman We’ve Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy

Listeing to Loggins and Messina, circa 1976 while writing this.  Check it out!  Loggins and Messina – Full Concert Recorded Live: 7/9/1976 – Capitol Theatre (Passaic, NJ)

**I am not seeing my own posts in my reader. I am wondering if others are also?

baby-owl-learning-to-fly-peter-brannonwolf yosemite


4 thoughts on ““We are supposed to be sensually numb…”

  1. How could anyone in this day n age ever think living like a Puritan would ever lead to happiness? Sex and our bodies are natural n while not the most important, they are a necessary part of a happy, fulfilling life.

    I have treatment resistant depression as well. After about 8 years on n up and down rollercoaster, I did research n went to a specialist. I have been on same meds for about 12 years now, which is a miracle. I’m not cured but I got my life back. I hope you find what works for u xo

  2. re: “How could anyone in this day n age ever think living like a Puritan would ever lead to happiness? Sex and our bodies are natural n while not the most important, they are a necessary part of a happy, fulfilling life.”

    I agree that we shouldn’t. Yet we still communicate so much that sex is bad. People still talk about sex as “Doing the nasty” (one of the terms that was brought up to describe sex– in one of the classes I teach in the progressive San Francisco Bay area!) Words like slut, skank and hoe sound far from pristine — and all of my students have heard girls call those kind words. Plus those kinds of words are all over popular music, Like rap. I was watching game of thrones and noticed that the castrated men are called “The unsullied.” And meanwhile, plenty of folks are trying to make contraception illegal, and not do sex education in any way other than “Abstinence only” in the Bible Belt.

    It’s all had a really negative effect on my own sexuality. And about half of American women experience sexual dysfunction. Very different from sex-positive societies.

    So I totally get what the authors talking about.

    • BB,
      Your Insight is always insightful. I suffered and still can suffer from the unconscious imaging that the Puritan paradigm has over sexuality. Not just sexuality. Being depressed has been and in some ways is seen as a self created problem. That I dont have enough faith, gratitude, etc.
      The premise of that is that I am falling short of the ideal that the Protestant ethic for all people. We are somewhat evil or possessed by our emotional health issues. I believe it all goes back to the abuse/neglect that we project onto our children.
      Thanks as always.

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