“In the middle of the night, I go walking in my sleep”

paradise“Through the valley of fear, To a river so deep” It has been a while since I have really written.  I am going to write about a couple of things to try and get myself back in the groove.  They are  EMDR and the health industry.

First, EMDR.  I did my first session yesterday with a therapist.  I have been in a protracted depth phase of my dis-ease and am looking for tools to get me out of it.  So I did this session seychelles-e28093-tropical-beach-at-sunsetwith this lady who was referred to me.  I drove about an hour and fifteen minutes from my home just to see her and my results are a little mixed.  I could not understand how the little “buzzers,’ I held in my hands were effective, but I went along with the process.  I experienced some relief from the session and will go back for a second one next week.
“And I’ve been searching for something, Taken out of my soul.”  Now I want to talk about the medical industry.  I went to see a doctor on Monday.  I had gone about 5 weeks ago seeking relief from the depths I have been in.  mountain-lake-idyll-lake-bannalpsee-donald-kampWhen I went 5 weeks ago, I saw a 43 year old doctor who was more than willing to help with non pharmaceutical interventions to try and get me out of the funk I am in.  He wanted me to get a hobby,start a journal and do a couple of other things.  He moved and was not the doctor who I dealt with in the session this last Monday.  This doctor was about 65 years old, and was  more interested in writing down all the information I was giving to them in the computer at the same time we were talking.  The bottom line, the doctor last Monday told me that if I would not agree to take medications, she would not agree to write me a note allowing me to take a little more time away from some stressful hearings I am having with my ex wife in court.  If I dont take medications, the doctor’s could not vouch for my self appraisal of the depressive event I was in!  Wow!
tropical-oasis-indian-ocean“Something I would never lose, Something somebody stole.”  I am more and more convinced that I have gone down this road of loss/pain/depression to be able to help those like me, and I am learning there are more and more of us, who have been abused and carry a lot of PTSD and shame.  Sexual abuse, physical abuse and psychological abuse seem to be the norm.  We are walking around in a zombie like existence because we dont have the ability to be okay with who we are.  Good, normal, human beings; my friends and family are struggling to stay alive and be alive and I plan on doing something about it.  I hillmanask for the Ggods help and your support.

Say a prayer for the Fanatic please.  Willem3655 also.

All quote from Billy Joel’s The River of Dreams.  Here is the link  to a video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9HFYNITCSs This is the first video I put on the Resources page of this blog  I was thinking of what to write about and my friend Willem3655, who writes on this site, came to mind.  I remember a conversation we had  a little while back and felt the fear that he was describing was similar to what I thought the turtle felt like.  If that little turtle didnt make the ocean in that video, it was going to die.  If we dont get through the struggle that we have with “mental illness,” we are too.




One thought on ““In the middle of the night, I go walking in my sleep”

  1. I feel great sorrow for you. doctors that age don’t really have a complete understanding of mental des-ease. they were in school 40 years ago. he learned stuff in the 70’s. sure, he probably has a continuing ed piece for his license, but the courses are probably of his own choosing.it sucks when stigmas come from the very people that are suppose to support you. it makes the struggle all the more harder.

    i wish you strength in your battles.

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