“…because this may be extraordinarily important for the healing process.”(1) I was writing a reply to a piece in the other day* and as I think about it today I am angry about it. I am more and more keenly aware that my Depression is not just a manifestation of those deep seated emotional conflicts that I have carried all of my life. It is also about the conflicts that I carry as a member of this planet. I was talking with a friend and was commenting on how we abuse the environment the same way we abuse ourselves. We deny our self the same love we deny nature. We dont have reverence for our selves the same way we dont have reverence towards nature. The lack of seeing ourselves as sacred is being expressed in a sense of depression towards our self and that is manifesting as abuse towards nature.
If it was just my “issues,” I would think that I could have worked through them in the first few years, well maybe a few more than the first few years of my sobriety. I am now starting to think that I did but as I continued to watch the abuse of those around me, from my in-laws abusive behavior towards each other, to my own families’ continued struggle to not slowly physically waste away, I see that I have taken on more and more of the harm we are doing to ourselves and that has and is affecting me.
Listening to the self doubt that can creep into my thinking, I was manifesting it well this morning, I am more and more convinced that to be healthy in this world today means to shut ourselves off from the truth of what we are doing. What WE are doing!
I am afraid to say that the way our world is going is like a heroin addict slowly getting a continuous intravenous drip of heroin. It sounds so good in principle because the addict is getting what they think is going to give them relief. What we are doing by taking the heroin is slowly, obliviously and without any thought for the consequences of our actions are killing ourselves. Numbly and ignorantly killing myself.
“We have a culture where the slaves vote for their masters.”(2) Now I am not going to stand up and rail against the machine to say that the machine is the problem. Why not? Because I am the machine. I am the one who blindly accepts what we do as normal and “hopes it will get better.”
I hear my friends continue to punish themselves for being so fucked up that they want to die. I used to think that going into the field of psychology was where I needed to go to affect change. But after being involved in two systems with high reputations for academics, but which are just as dysfunctional as any other institution, I am starting to see that it may not be the way for me to go. The systems themselves are still seeing the world through the paradigm of the status quo, as the author of the piece I mentioned above stated the other day. So what do I do? I dont know but I am holding onto that saying from Kerouac, “…the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” I am now officially looking for the avenue I can do just that. Any ideas?
123 RV, DR, SA, LG, PA, PH.
(1)Carl Jung, Letters Vol. 1, Page 375. (2) James Hillman from an interview with a Minneapolis newspaper in 1996