I believe the stories and lies spun in my mind.
I can’t turn it off.
These are the times distractions don’t work.
The thoughts are so loud I am overwhelmed.
The emotional pain it causes for me
I feel alone and that no one understands.
My mind is yelling at me.
It’s all I can hear.
I plan and plot how I’m going to
take myself out.
Sometimes my mindups the ante and
adds another step.
I have in the house.
I have a stash on top of
my regular regime.
But this may not be enough.
So my mind demands that I hang myself too.
I searched the house
for rope and belts.
Looked up how to tie a noose.
We have a shed with high heavy beams.
I did all this matter of factly.
Just following directions.
My mind had taken over.
This truly scares me. I don’t know how
I came out of the trance.
Today I can’t stop crying and the reason you ask…
……because I woke up.