What an interesting paradox this is. All our lives we work so hard just to be “normal.” Then when you get to this point when you realize that normal doesn’t mean anything. Then you get what we call a midlife crisis? I was talking with a good friend of mine today, the plumber, and he told me something that was wonder full for me to hear. He said that he respected me because I took the chance of going deep inside and learning what it was that caused me to live a life where my shadow ruled when I wasn’t around other people. I’ve heard it said that sobriety is what you do when nobody is looking. I think you could also say the shadow comes out when nobody’s around or when you think no one paying attention.
” Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakens.”
I’m so hesitant to say anything about what goes on for me emotionally and psychologically. Yet I need to say that there is another layer of, I want to use the word acceptance, to explain what’s going on inside of me. The friction of the world is still there. What I’m hoping for is that the Ggods continue to help me to get to where the shame is just another voice on the inside, rather than the blanket the covers up everything.
“It all depends on how you look at things, not on how they are themselves” This is always been a huge issue for me I always believe that however things are I have to adjust to them change my behavior, change my personality, change my way of living so that I can fit in. What I’m learning is, where the hell do I want to fit in at?
What comes up for me when I use the term “fit in,” is that I have to compromise who I truly am, at my essence, so that people will not be disturbed. I’ve always said that the role that I serve in a community entity whether that’s in meetings, business structures, personal relationships or in groups, my role has always been to be the one who says that there’s a problem that needs attention. I believe that I learned not to do that or to do it so much that I really wasn’t being who I was, I was just living out of a roll. I was such an agitator when I was in attorney. I would be aggressive, confrontive, angry! It never served me and I don’t believe that release of my anger served my clients. However I had this shadow that I needed to project out so that I didn’t have to look at what was going on inside of me. I didn’t have to face my own living hell.
123 RV, SA, JW, RW, JZM, PA, PH!
Quotes from Carl Jung