“…we become aware of the fact that soon after the middle of our life the soil begins its secret work, getting ready for the departure.”
All of the ideas of creating and generating and producing and benefiting and profiting and loving and nurturing all got put into perspective when depression overtook me.
I went from a life of living beyond my wildest dreams materially, and yet bankrupt emotionally, to one where I have left much of the material world behind and have gleaned a perspective on what’s important from that journey.
I went to a meeting yesterday and when I walked in I saw a couple people in that meeting who I really don’t like. Yes I walked away and didn’t stay there. Now my critical mind wants to say that I wasn’t loving and accepting of them as two of God’s children.
Yes I was. I just choose not to be around people who want to continually come up and talk about something that happened years ago and try to get me to change how I view the world.
Another person’s resentment is not an invitation for me to have to have a discourse about something we disagree upon.
How does this relate to what was quoted above and depression? I’ve gotten to this point of my life where if it’s not something that can be loving and kind, if it’s something to where there’s going to be an adversarial position about something that has transpired years ago, I don’t have the energy for it. I don’t have the emotional energy to continue to try to fight fights that are over.
I am not saying that my mind doesn’t want to engage in it. My mind loves to have arguments with people about situations that happened years ago!!!!
I know that when it’s like that, that I’m not tilling the soil in preparation for this journey that I’m going on. I know that I’m not doing the work that needs to be done to get myself into a place psychologically and emotionally where I am “content and resolved,” as best I can be
And on a very sad note, one of my teammates from our high school state champion basketball team died recently. He was only in his 50s and he will be missed. Thanks Jon for all those memories, long journeys together and most of all, personally, thanks for being my friend and going quail hunting with me when some shunned me. I appreciated those moments of fellowship and I will miss you.
Quote in title from Carl Jung CW V.18 The Symbolic Life para 1707. * Bruce Springsteen. Brothers Under the Bridge.
The headstone is from my 5th grade teacher who was as loving and supportive of me as anyone I knew. Thanks Mrs. Meldrum.