I cannot carry on like this anymore. I cannot talk to people. I cannnot sit still unless it is bed time and I take my medication. This is no life. So many months now. No desire. No hope. No dreams. No energy to carry forth.
I have another med check this Monday. So what the fuck do i do. I have been on so many different drugs now.
I THINK that the drugs have made my already anxiety and depression worse. i sometimes can barely walk.
This coming from a man who a year ago worked out 4 times a week and walked 12 miles a week. Now I cringe when the phone rings. I just want to die and I do not want to die. My dear friends call me and all I can say to them is “yes” or “no”. My god where are you now. Where were for Robin. Were you there??? Are you here???
I don’t want to take care of myself anymore. ten months of depression and panic/anxiety attacks have sucked the life right out of me. House bound for the past couple of months. Don’t go anywhere because I cannot sit still.
I say nothing. I feel nothing but pain. Crushing pain in my head. Anxiety and then more anxiety. I lay down to rest and come to in a panic. What have I done to myself is the question I keep asking myself. Where did I go.
Who am I now. I operate for about 12 hours in a day. Mostly just staring at the TV or reading blogs about getting better. I am sick of this. I will not let me go. So I have just let it do what it wants. It wants me dead. So I can have peace.