“Our souls in private to ourselves, and close communion with another,…”

  beautiful-child1“…and even in public exhibits psychopathologies.”  The wonderful part for me about talking about this  stuff is that I don’t have to look towards some external information, some study or journal article to be able to give examples of and explain what I’m talking about.

I’m hopefully more aware of my own pathologies, as best as I can be in this culture.  After being diagnosed with depression three and half, almost four years ago I have been able to “see,” parts of myself that I wasn’t able to see before. The fearful part, the one afraid of all women, the one afraid of my own shadow. By doing that I have been able to hopefully reduce the power of my ego over my own life. It is not without tremendous cost that this insight has been given to me.

“Perhaps our psychopathology has intimate connection with our individuality, so that our fear of being what we really are is partly because we fear the psychopathological aspect of individuality.”

azeri-girlThis is the truth for me. I’m scared to death to know who I really am. Why am I scared to death? Because I have spent the last 50 something years trying to deny, diffuse, defeat, or otherwise kill my true self. Why would anybody do that? Because I internalized those messages that who I am, what I have done in my life, what I stand for, and what matters to me is not that important.

ibergeregg-switzerlandI have chosen throughout my life to find people who would help me negate that part of me. I found people who, unconsciously or not, reiterated those messages that came through very loud and clear to me  in my childhood.

pao-burma“Each soul at some time or another demonstrates delusions and depressions, overvalued ideas, manic flights and rages, anxieties, compulsions, and perversions.” What I can tell you about this is that I have delusions, (just ask all of my ex’s) depressions and a huge ego which overvalues almost all of my significant ideas.  Anxiety is present for me at most times and I have an underlying rage when I am scared that is very, very powerful.  I can be addicted to almost anything that will allow me to not have to feel my anxiety and fear.  I wont go into perversions because even I  am aware that the culture can’t handle that people’s ideas, their “perversions,” are nothing more than projections from their own shadow.

praising-mantisI want to learn to realize that who I am is important and valuable to this tapestry called life.  I hope I am getting there.

I wrote about this  topic today  because I am going through a major life change as we speak.  I chose to write  about psychopathology after reading a wonderfully clear and understandable post about an issue that has driven me my whole life, my relationships with the women I have been intimate with.[1]

Quotes from James Hillman’s Re-visioning Psychology. [1] http://sandrabusby.hubpages.com/hub/Jungian-Archetypes-The-Mother-Archetype-vs-the-Mother-Complex.

123 RV, SA, JW, PA, RW!

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