I sit here this morning looking out over “my” mountain wondering what it is. I watch the hot air balloon lift off near town with stripes marking it so I can clearly see it from afar. I have this longing. I long to be free of the mental images of nothingness. I just want to be here, be okay today.*
The first thing I did this morning after I woke up was to write the above paragraph. I wish I could write poetry like Fanatic does so I could explain my emotions better. But that is not a skill I have. The skill I think I have is to tell stories. Talk about what is happening in the moment. I sat down this morning and looked out my window and saw “my,” mountain. My mountain is Mt. St. Helena, which is north of Calistoga at the northern end of the Napa Valley. I have been “looking,” at that mountain all my life and consider it the symbol of my source. I dont know what I just wrote, the “symbol of my source.” In my mind I dont know what that “means.”
What I just wrote above is to me, proof of how we have isolated the mind from the rest of us. To have to try and understand why I see the mountain as “my,” mountain is a waste of time, but that is where the mind wants to go.
“Psychology accordingly treats all metaphysical claims and assertions as mental phenomena, and regards them as statements about the mind and its structure that derive ultimately from certain unconscious dispositions.”This is what I am trying to say. We see things in way that dont make sense to the mind. I see Mt. St. Helena as my mountain because there is a part of me that doesnt speak in the form that the mind does. Call it spirit, call it soul, call it whatever. There is a source of life, inside of me, that is and has a need to get out. Why do I need to do this? To heal! To heal me and then hopefully the world.
I was thinking this morning why am I getting a degree in the study of the mind? I dont like a lot of what my mind does. Hell it wants me to die, alone and withered away sometimes.
I want to get this degree to be able to show people that it is not the degree or the mind that is going to save me or us. It is going to be the connection to “my,” mountain. The source that knows all. That all is. That I am.
Now if my mind would just co-operate!
123 RV, PA, SA, RW, JW.
Quotes by Carl Jung unless noted.