The soul never thinks without an image.[1]

millenium-kids-andre-beriaultI’m grateful that I saw the quote and angry that I feel it and the void I am feeling right now.I am struggling today. I have been struggling for the last week. I feel like I’m catatonic in some sense and thank the Ggods for my one wonderful friend who but for him being there I probably wouldn’t talk to any other human being this week if it didn’t have to do with something about business

20131101-063008.jpgOne of the aspects of abuse is the loss of the ability to think imaginatively and to live life with  and from those wonder full images.  Because of the almost brainwashing that PTSD creates, I struggle to imagine the beauty in the world at times.  I look out at  a mountain I have seen my whole life and I see it is as form and not so much as mystery as I used to see it to be.

longyearbyen-colourful-homes“For what has been spoiled by the father can only be made good by a father, just as what has been spoiled by the mother can only be repaired by a mother. The disastrous repetition of the family pattern could be described as the psychological original sin.” [2]. I feel sad for those people who I ran into in my life who worked really hard to try to make our relationship better. I have almost always, when I am not living consciously, put  people into positions where they were representative of the images and memories of  my youth.  I think when you struggle in youth to make relationships that work and are loving and supportive, it is more difficult to have relationships in adulthood.

louvre-paris“Man cannot stand a meaningless life.”[3]This is the part that  scares me the most.  I feel because of my depression, that I have and continue to live a life without meaning.  I honestly dont know what a life with meaning would look like right now.

I really need some courage to truly live the life I  was put here to live.

[1] Aristotle [2] Carl Jung [3] Carl Jung

123 RV, PA, SA, RW, JW

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4 thoughts on “The soul never thinks without an image.[1]

  1. I feel strongly that you are on the right path and progressing, even if it doesn’t look or feel like it right now. I see it in your writing and in your acts of expression and courage. When I read what you wrote about seeing mountains, it reminded me of a conversation I had outdoors with a homeless person years ago. It was fall and the trees were glorious. I asked him if he could see colors. He responded that he could feel them and he expressed how he felt about them. He just lit up. I thought he was rich. I couldn’t feel colors and I couldn’t feel beauty. I could only identify them, as though the ability to connect to nature was cut off from me. I felt very happy for him and very sad for myself. I wanted to truly see and feel colors like him. Today, I still struggle with connecting with nature, working so hard to be near it more often, yet fighting myself and avoiding. I didn’t have hope then, but today I do. I have hope for you and faith in you. You make a positive and empowering difference in my life and I value you and thank you.

  2. It DOES take courage to live with depression and/ or anxiety! It IS hard to feel the beauty of, and feel God in, nature when one is depressed. It feels as if the depression will never end. I gave no answers, just a fellow struggler. But older. And sometimes you have to ride out a long bad patch and get help of some sort– talk therapy, meditation. Things CAN turn around. You have to grab any ounce of appreciation of nature, or whatever, you can grasp and then focus on that. Hang in there! Wishing you the best, Ellen

  3. Your life has meaning in and of itself. By telling your story, you widen the scope of your life’s meaning. Sharing your experience is an act of love and compassion. The search and yearning for meaning is so very uniquely human. Thank you. Bless you.

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