There is a secret love hiding in each problem.

lake-wanaka-otago-region-new-zealand“Do you see the complete harmony between central dictatorship, fascism, political callousness, and the self-centeredness of the spiritual point of view?”  Last night was one of those moments for me.  We were in this class called group process and there was a moment that was tense for one of the participants.  One of the group had been triggered by her interaction and had expressed her pain.  The person who she was interacting with during the exercise was triggered also and at one point in time, he said to the group that he was not an unsafe person to be with and he wanted every one to believe he was safe..  That was awesome also. 

But here is where the rub came for me.  The guy who was speaking then started questioning the woman who had been triggered in what I felt was a way to get her to backtrack on that she felt unsafe with him.

monotonous-foggy-morning-ajaytaoMy tension arose when the cross talk started.  Trying to work out his issues with her was making me feel unsafe.  I looked to the professor to step in and hopefully  diffuse that tension and more than anything to take the charge out of this interaction between them as this was a classroom and wasnt supposed to be a therapy group.  He didn’t and I felt frustrated and did the only thing I could do and went and stood behind the woman as I felt the cross talk was inappropriate and was harmful to the feeling of safety that was necessary for me to function and participate in the group.  I then took it upon myself to critique the professor’s way of handling of the situation. I said that by allowing cross talk it made the room not a safe place to be and that he was not keeping the room safe.

lanin-volcano-chileYou could feel the tension in the room.  The professor asked for more feedback and I said that I thought he handled it poorly and making it unsafe was not okay with me.  I told him that I did not think he held the container of safety for the group.  I made sure that I did not focus on the gentleman who was speaking because my issue was not with him, it was with allowing the crosstalk to continue at a group level.

I could tell that the group was affected by my actions and words and the professor told me that he felt like until he got resolution with me that he didnt feel that the group could move forward.  I told him that I was clear and did not need to continue to process the information around the issue.

I had expressed my anger and was done with it.  Why do many people want to talk you out of your anger and cant accept that someone can express anger and then be over it, like a child can!

maldives-islands“To mythic consciousness, the persons of the imagination are real.”
The scariest position for me to be in is a situation where a person’s words are not matching the energy they are putting out.  The subtle little clues that come out in words and non-verbal clues.  This professor was saying all the right words save for a few passive-aggressive statements and his body language.  But the part that really disturbed me was this overall tone that this theory, “Integral theory,” of psychology was the best way to go.  Not because he could show me results, but because he said it was the best methodology of psychology because he and a bunch of people said it was.

I am sorry but that sounds an awful lot like,  “Its true because I said it’s true.”  In law that is called circular logic, which is like someone saying,  “The sky is blue and you know the sky is blue because I told you that it is blue.”

Part of my depression was caused by constantly denying that what I was seeing was really happening.  My father beating me was not okay, yet after a while I started to say it was my fault, because my Dad loved me and if he “disciplined,” me it was something I deserved.

I am sorry, but if a person’s insides are not matching their outsides, there is a part of me that will hopefully know it and more than anything, be aware of it and take care of myself and probably avoid them.

123 RV, SA, BT, PA, RW, JW

Quotes by James Hillman

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4 thoughts on “There is a secret love hiding in each problem.

  1. It’s good that you stood up for what you believe in. You’re right- anger is not something you can be talked out of, or something that another person should attemot to dilute. We spend enough time talking ourselves out of our own emotions, without someone else expecting to do so!

  2. Wowee. What insight, awareness, courage and articulation on your part. What an amazing example. Leaves me speechless.

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