“It’s absence of the invisibles, it’s the absence of everything except me.”

tunnel“So we try to have community, but philosophically or logically, you can’t.”

Why?  Because we look at the world in the term of I.  I need, I deserve, I am owed, I have been……   As long as we do this we will be depressed, because we will isolate with our pain and fear.  I isolate with my wound because the world does not want to know how my dis-ease has destroyed my concept of what I was.  Destroyed in it the sense that what I was was an isolated, Adam Smith individualistic type of person.  I lived in the world of I and never thought about we.

praising-mantisMy prior career choice, a criminal defense attorney, was perfect.  Why?  Because I only had to really truly be responsible to one other person in that world, my client.  I didn’t have to take into consideration the ramifications of what the result of my client’s actions were, the consequences of their behavior.

But this ideology took a toll  on my soul.  I was not connecting with others in a way that was looking to be healing and loving to all people in the system.  There was a movement called restorative justice that was tried a while back.  It connected the victim with the person charged with the crime.    It looked to make the system more humanistic.  I dont know what happened to the process but it was more of “we,” rather than the “I,” of the victim and the “I” of the criminal.

snowy-rooftops-prague-erik-witsoe“People want to get out of their individuality and they don’t know how to. And therapy will never teach you how to relate, because it first has to break down the notion of the isolate individual–that they’re working on a citizen.”

Therapy was always working on the individual.  The “child within,” was a perfect manifestation.  It was not about how I related to the world, but how I related to myself.  Well how I related to me was how I related to the world.  I isolated and projected onto those who came in contact with me the shadow that I could not own or integrate.  Why?  Because someone else had to be responsible for my dis-ease.  It couldn’t have been me, or more so I am convinced of these days, the result of this culture I live in and try to make sense of.

springWhat does this all have to do with depression?  What doesn’t it have to do with it.  Isolation, self blame, intrinsic distrust for you because I cant trust that I am okay, is nothing more than a manifestation and projection of the sense of inadequacy and less than ideas I have about myself.  Period.  Think of a whole bunch of us watching the “Voice,” or “Survivor,” or anything else that is a “reality,” show and I will show you someone who is scared to be an individual and only does so vicariously.

It is a high price to pay to get off of the damn bus of this externally oriented culture.  Please, you are worth it.

We are worth it and I need you to do it, so I can learn how to do it also. Then we can have a “we,” which will go a long way to us being in a better place.

123 All!  My prayers go out to George and his children for the loss of their loved one because of “mental health,” issues

Quotes by James Hillman



3 thoughts on ““It’s absence of the invisibles, it’s the absence of everything except me.”

  1. Checking in on you. I love the rawness and authenticity of the contributions to this blog. The rawness is precious because I believe that with it, you are all operating from your souls and with your hearts fully open to pain that can lead to powerful healing. Within these posts, I “hear” hope and a solid, steady determination to break through. I think that you all love and care deeply, but there are just hells to push through. Thank God you are pushing — and sharing what is precious: your truths. Thank you.

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