I am going to start by posting the best definition of depression I have ever seen. It is quote by a wonder full lady, Kay Redfield Jamison, who is amazing and power full and a true hero in my book.
“In its severe forms, depression paralyzes all of the otherwise vital forces that make us human, leaving instead a bleak, despairing, desperate, and deadened state. . .Life is bloodless, pulseless, and yet present enough to allow a suffocating horror and pain. All bearings are lost; all things are dark and drained of feeling. The slippage into futility is first gradual, then utter. Thought, which is as pervasively affected by depression as mood, is morbid, confused, and stuporous. It is also vacillating, ruminative, indecisive, and self-castigating. The body is bone-weary; there is no will; nothing is that is not an effort, and nothing at all seems worth it. Sleep is fragmented, elusive, or all-consuming. Like an unstable, gas, an irritable exhaustion seeps into every crevice of thought and action.(2)
So what I am talking about is how I need to start fighting, creating a revolution, on behalf of my own soul. I have to stop putting up with being treated like I was a second class citizen because of my dis-ease.
I have been scared to write, I mean write books, about the way that people with depression are fucking stigmatized and marginalized.
Why am I scared. Because “I Dont Want To Talk About It,” is what rules our culture. It manifests itself in so many ways. I have been dealing with in the legal system, the social system and mostly the educational system and see the stigmatization that is perpetrated.
I am sick and fucking tired that despite the fact that I have tried 5 different anti depressants, hormone replacement, alternative medicine, non-traditional methods of treatment, therapies, writing, group processes, etc., I still suffer with this depression.
I am really sick of people who are afraid that they are going to “catch it,” pushing me away and then saying it is something I fucking did. I am about to step out and just say “fuck it.” I am/was a very successful in life and am normally a hard working, smart, caring, loving man.
I have been debilitated by something I would not have chosen. Who in their right mind would choose to be where I am today? Come on give me a break. Would Belinda of busymindthinking choose her status. I mean look at her. Beautiful, intelligent, interesting, a good Mom. Would anyone say she chose to get Lyme’s disease?
I dont think so, but yet because I look “normal,” everyone thinks I choose to “feel sorry,” for myself by saying I have depression.
Look at our world. We are the most prescribed people in the world. We are 5% of the population, yet we are prescribed 80% of the world’s drugs! You dont see a problem there. I do.
So what do I do? I know how to get angry and point my fingers. I grew up an American. It is someone else’s fault for my problems. The problem with that is we look at it in those terms. Either it my “fault,” or yours. How about it is no ones fault or it is our collective responsibility to do something about this. How about it is the by product of our culture?
Title quote by the man who had his pulse on this culture better than any modern day philosopher, James Hillman. (2) Kay Redfield Jamison. Please read her biography. A real champion for us.