“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,…” ”

reflections “…and the word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”[1] As long as we disown the sadness, grief and unresolved emotional conflicts that so many of us seem to have,(collectively as well as individually) we are going to continue to try and push away all those “negative, ” emotions.  But the fact that never seems to included in the popular culture’s discourse is what is happening by suppressing those feelings and emotions.

oldenvatnet-norway1I can tell you from my own journey that the cost is being who I am, being comfortable in my skin with all  of the nuances of  that is a difficult thing to quantify.   Why is it so difficult?  I am not sure, because I still have to operate within the structure of my culture, which denies the dis-ease we live in.

ibergeregg-switzerlandI happened to be able to visit the local jail last night, as I apparently had a warrant for my arrest.  That is not what I want to talk about.  What I observed in the local jail was the perfect expression of the dis-ease we carry culturally.  I observed jailers being crueler to people, especially the marginalized groups, which included a man who was obviously struggling with anxiety so bad that he was unable to stay out of agitation.  I could not see him, I  just observed the projection of the jail staff’s shadow onto the man.  3 out of the 4 men who were engaging with the agitated men were provoking him, purposely, to then demean, show disrespect to,  and basically let the struggling man know that they were better human beings than he was.  At first I was angry and wanted to protect the man, but I knew by observing the guards that they were needing to project their shadow onto someone.  I tried to be observant only, and one of the guards who noticed my observing came over and tried to intimidate and engage with me.  I diffused the situation by just breathing and not giving him creedence by just being quiet.  Calmly and quietly I looked at him and the moment of tension diffused. I felt like he was looking for a conflict to show that he  was in control.

a-viilage-in-the-valley“[T]he unlived life of one person, group, country, etc. must necessarily, often involuntarily, be taken up by another….”[2] My friend Eva Van Beek made a comment about a post  I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

“Once someone said to me that the “karma” or whatever you want to call it, is passed on from generation to generation until someone has the guts to reverse it. That someone is usually a very sensitive human being and will suffer greatly because of his role as a “spell”-breaker.”

oldenvatnet-norway-1This is what is happening for me.  I am carrying the “karma,” of those who went before me and could not truly be who they wanted to be.  Hell I have not been who I wanted to be up until now.  I am not thoroughly convinced now that I am following my heart.  I thank the Ggods and Ggodesses who put people like the readers of this blog in front of me to help me make real, to realize that what I am doing is what I am meant to do.

Those men in that jail are carrying the burdens of their histories as well.  Their suffering was manifested in their needing to make the man who was suffering emotionally and mentally less than they were.  I do it by making them less than.

reflecting-ivan-dementievskiyYet I saw their suffering as much as I saw the man I didn’t see, who was “out of view.”

[1] Carl Jung [2] Andy Drymalski   Here is the link to the article I took his quote from http://jungstop.com/jungian-psychology-series-depression-violence-and-social-change/

123 RV, SA, RW, PA, JW!



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