This to me is articulating the tensions between our conscious self, the part that “knows,” and what our unconscious “holds.” Wanting “not” to share with you, what my conscious “knows,” which is oftentimes dominated by the self-loathing that is the basis of my dis-ease, but knowing that I am just like you and intuitively knowing that I need to connect with you for my emotional and psychological health, which is what my unconscious “holds.”
That wolf is manifesting how I feel better than any words I could write for you to read. It is saying more to you about where I am in my life than all of the letters and words I can string together at this point.
“.. I am one, but opposed to myself. I am youth and old man at one and the same time.” Here is where the tensions are made clear, in that I am one but yet I don’t accept myself as one. The words of this quote state the conflict as well as it can be articulated. How can I be one and yet not be myself, be opposed to myself. One friend in particular is almost overwhelmed by their existence, seeing all aspects of their existence as negative. Wait a minute….many of the people who struggle with “mental health,” issues look at themselves this way. That self loathing that comes from accepting the information that was imposed on them in one way or another, which they have since accepted as their own vision of who they are, a constructed reality.
“I have known neither father nor mother, because I have had to be fetched out of the deep like a fish, or fell like a white stone from heaven.” This for me is one of the problems I have in the world. I have no “spiritual,”father or mother, because I don’t think I can let them ‘in,’ to be there for me. I dont have a memory of anyone, save for my little friend the Leprechaun, who would fit that criteria I have for someone who I could turn to. Not on the outside,but on the inside to calm me, support me and be a vessel I could express my pathology to without fear of shaming criticism or even opinions about what I am or am not doing?
“In woods and mountains I roam, but I am hidden in the innermost soul of man.” This working with the soul is so disturbing at times. It is so bewildering at times, when I am in the midst of the struggle with the emotional conflicts that persist below the level of consciousness. Since they are not conscious, I cant understand them. Sincce I cant understand them, I fear them instead of trusting that I am here for the purpose of whatever the hell I am here for the purpose for.
As you can maybe see, I have not posted much lately. If you read what is above, I hope you can see why. Thanks for all the love and support you give to us who post here. You may not know it, but we all appreciate the kind words and “likes, and even almost all of your comments.
All quotes by Carl Jung
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