“[W]e have been robbed of our true biography…”

an-elderly-man-fairyartos   “–that destiny written into our acorn–and we go to therapy to recover it.” What is my “biography?  This journey through depression has led me to change my whole life on the outside and is slowly changing my life on the inside.  Before the depression was diagnosed, I lived my life based on what I “felt,” on what was logical, what I thought would get me approval, and mostly on how I could fit in with the “in,” crowd, my “peers!”

yi-coconut-seller-hainan-chinaIf I am going to therapy, then the goal of it should be to find me, NOW, and not find what I was before I was harmed.  My life has progressed since I was that scared and lonely child and before the harm that was done to my soul. I am also starting to see that maybe it is not in therapy that this need be realized or manifested.  Hillman talks about part of our becoming who we were put here to be, becoming our “acorn,” is to be engaged in the outside world.  I cant tell you how much destruction, nor do I need to put it all out here, that has happened in my outer world since the depression became overt, but annihialation is the word that comes to mind.! I am hopefully about to endeavor on this journey of making amends to many, re-c0nstructing my outside world and hopefully someday soon, renewing a relationship  that is the relationship that I miss by far over any other relationship with another human being I have ever had.

326684I am learning about who I truly am.  I am walking through situations that used to baffle me and I would stick my head in the sand about.  I am not the scared boy all the time, who is afraid of his partner, boss, friend being angry at him.  My very dear friend is angry at me right now and we have not spoken for a couple of days.  Before I would have stayed as silent as possible and avoided taking care of myself so that the person would not hear me so that I could avoid their anger at almost any cost.

Quote by James Hillman

123 RV, SA, JW, PA, RW

Forgiveness is about love, permission is about fear.

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6 thoughts on ““[W]e have been robbed of our true biography…”

  1. Our scars are part of who we are, but we are not our scars. Understanding what happened in the past to prompt certain reactions and behaviour patterns can be useful, yet to live always in the past would be ultimately counter-productive. Once we gain a certain degree of understanding, it is important to let go and move on. As you say, the person who matters most is the you of today.
    Best wishes,
    Vic

  2. “If I am going to therapy, then the goal of it should be to find me, NOW, and not find what I was before I was harmed.”

    Yet, I think a part of us THEN still exists. I’m doing a lot of inner child work and I believe that the child we were before we were harmed exists. I also believe the child exists as various ages and sabotages our growth. I also believe we can develop a loving inner adult, too that will help us soothe the wounded children and help them to work with us, not against us.

    I say this with a fair amount of certainty because this has been my inner experience. I feel like a 2 year old sometimes. I feel about 10, I feel like an angry adolescent.

    Jung certainly believed in multiplicity of selves, and I think the modern day interpretation in trauma work does considers these selves to be inner children of different ages.

    I don’t have inner peace because of the multiple missing needs of these children.

    Well, because of that and because of the fact I have PTSD from my husband’s suicidal gestures when HE was depressed. He’s better, as if nothing ever happened. I’m still not better.

    There’s a few different people in the field of Inner Child work. Adult Child of Alcoholics, John Bradshaw, Margaret Paul’s Inner Bonding, Charles Whitfield. I find it amusing that sometimes they even refer to each other’s work.

    Anyway…I’m functionally/situationally depressed. Some days are not so bad, others…not so good. Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed after I had to go get a second cervical biopsy. Today, I’m out of bed, but still struggling with yucky thoughts in my brain.

    So, i definitely feel with you.

  3. A simple theory that I am still working on, but simple in thought . If we can truly transform looking at our scars and say this is where I healed instead of this is where I was hurt, then we can be the real “us”.

  4. I have a way of approaching my life that works for me, but I’m not sure how well it would work for someone who is deeply wounded. I read a book called “Seat of the soul” which changed how I saw negativity in my life. I started to think of the world as A teacher. If something bad happens I look to what that can teach me. Like, how can I become a more empathetic, compassionate, empowered person? Empathy and compassion may come from understanding suffering and so having empathy and compassion for the suffering of others. Or, realizing that I don’t have to let the wound rule me. And that is empowering. But like I said, I don’t think I have been nearly as wounded as many people. So I’m wondering whether this outlook would be helpful for someone like you–if you have ever tried to look at your experience this way, Or might try in the future?

    • I remember reading that book when I first got sober in the late 1980’s. I want to thank you for reminding me about it again.
      On another note, I am glad you were not as wounded as others. You are an anchor for many who read your works, including me.
      Thanks again for being!
      Jim

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