“–that destiny written into our acorn–and we go to therapy to recover it.” What is my “biography? This journey through depression has led me to change my whole life on the outside and is slowly changing my life on the inside. Before the depression was diagnosed, I lived my life based on what I “felt,” on what was logical, what I thought would get me approval, and mostly on how I could fit in with the “in,” crowd, my “peers!”
If I am going to therapy, then the goal of it should be to find me, NOW, and not find what I was before I was harmed. My life has progressed since I was that scared and lonely child and before the harm that was done to my soul. I am also starting to see that maybe it is not in therapy that this need be realized or manifested. Hillman talks about part of our becoming who we were put here to be, becoming our “acorn,” is to be engaged in the outside world. I cant tell you how much destruction, nor do I need to put it all out here, that has happened in my outer world since the depression became overt, but annihialation is the word that comes to mind.! I am hopefully about to endeavor on this journey of making amends to many, re-c0nstructing my outside world and hopefully someday soon, renewing a relationship that is the relationship that I miss by far over any other relationship with another human being I have ever had.
I am learning about who I truly am. I am walking through situations that used to baffle me and I would stick my head in the sand about. I am not the scared boy all the time, who is afraid of his partner, boss, friend being angry at him. My very dear friend is angry at me right now and we have not spoken for a couple of days. Before I would have stayed as silent as possible and avoided taking care of myself so that the person would not hear me so that I could avoid their anger at almost any cost.
Quote by James Hillman
123 RV, SA, JW, PA, RW
Forgiveness is about love, permission is about fear.