“We are crucified between the opposites…”

Inside Orion“…and delivered up to the torture until this third  reconciling takes shape” This place  of “reconciling,” sucks. I haven’t written in over week or maybe even longer.  I am in this place where the torture at times can be overwhelming.  I hate this place. The place where I dont know how to function in my daily life at all but I am not overwhelmed by the depression.  I am so tired of being in this place where the outside world is not working like it use to.  I cant seem to get beyond the inner struggle of the depression where I am incapable of functioning in the outside. I am looking for some guidance on how to work through this “third reconciling.”It is like having a “head full of AA and a belly full of beer.” I feel okay about my “self,” more and more but I feel like I am almost in a no man’s land. Sunday I went to new meeting and I heard what I needed to hear.  I heard a wonderful lady, Mary,  talk about how she is 30 years sober and she is angry all the time.  She has tried a number of ways to get relief from the pain that is caused by the opposites, the inner conflict.   I also heard another lady who was also 30 years sober saying that she realized that she lives with constant anxiety. IMGP0675

“You yourself are a conflict that rages in itself and against itself in order to ….create that form which is the goal of life” I don’t know what it is that this form is.   If this is the goal of life, how do I look for it? Or do I look for it? “Everyone goes through this mill, consciously or unconsciously, voluntarily or forcibly.”Well I sure have been drug through this thing involuntarily. I never thought that the wreckage of my financial and marital world was going to lead me to this debilitating depression that has lasted for about five years.

vigeland-park-norway-christian-kernI am writing and posting this because I dont want to.  I dont want to write anymore.  I was reading one of the blogs that I follow and the author of that blog said that they were seriously considering stopping writing for his blog.  I thought when I read that maybe I should do that.  I now think that I would not be doing for any other reason than to hide from you, i.e. hide from me.  This sucks!

123 RV, SA, RW, JW

Quotes by Carl Jung P.S.

I didnt know that I had published this as only quotes a week or so ago until my friend Renee told me this morning. wolf yosemiteIMGP0686

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4 thoughts on ““We are crucified between the opposites…”

  1. It helps to speak. I hope you decide not to give up writing here. It’s a great outlet. That said, I respect anyone’s decisions, but you would be missed. Warm embrace to help you through the day.

  2. When I feel as low as we both do right now, I try to remember that ‘this too shall pass’. At times, it is difficult to believe, but one day, we will awaken and everything WILL feel different… stay strong… keep writing

  3. If there were an easy answer maybe then we wouldn’t have to suffer through it. Also if the same thing worked for everyone than everyone would do the same thing and all our problems would be solved. At best I am usually day to day, sometimes hour to hour. Just when I think I might be seeing light at the end of the tunnel I realize that I am no closer to the end than when I first began. It feels like I am trapped in the middle of a tunnel that is unending in both directions. Keep up the writing. I know writing myself and reading what other people write helps me, if only temporarily.

  4. Hey shoe 1000,

    I’ve been on vacation for two weeks. Back now. Wanted to check in to see how you’re doing. Here’s the strangest thing….as I’ve been catching up on the blogs I follow and you would be amazed at the number of bloggers who are EXACTLY where you are. Needing a blogging break. I had my posts already scheduled before I left but I have to say that I had mixed feelings:I missed blogging and didn’t miss it all at the same time.

    I hope you keep blogging. I would miss you. God bless.

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