“…and delivered up to the torture until this third reconciling takes shape” This place of “reconciling,” sucks. I haven’t written in over week or maybe even longer. I am in this place where the torture at times can be overwhelming. I hate this place. The place where I dont know how to function in my daily life at all but I am not overwhelmed by the depression. I am so tired of being in this place where the outside world is not working like it use to. I cant seem to get beyond the inner struggle of the depression where I am incapable of functioning in the outside. I am looking for some guidance on how to work through this “third reconciling.”It is like having a “head full of AA and a belly full of beer.” I feel okay about my “self,” more and more but I feel like I am almost in a no man’s land. Sunday I went to new meeting and I heard what I needed to hear. I heard a wonderful lady, Mary, talk about how she is 30 years sober and she is angry all the time. She has tried a number of ways to get relief from the pain that is caused by the opposites, the inner conflict. I also heard another lady who was also 30 years sober saying that she realized that she lives with constant anxiety.
“You yourself are a conflict that rages in itself and against itself in order to ….create that form which is the goal of life” I don’t know what it is that this form is. If this is the goal of life, how do I look for it? Or do I look for it? “Everyone goes through this mill, consciously or unconsciously, voluntarily or forcibly.”Well I sure have been drug through this thing involuntarily. I never thought that the wreckage of my financial and marital world was going to lead me to this debilitating depression that has lasted for about five years.
I am writing and posting this because I dont want to. I dont want to write anymore. I was reading one of the blogs that I follow and the author of that blog said that they were seriously considering stopping writing for his blog. I thought when I read that maybe I should do that. I now think that I would not be doing for any other reason than to hide from you, i.e. hide from me. This sucks!
123 RV, SA, RW, JW
Quotes by Carl Jung P.S.