“You are more than what you think you are.”

Dear  Jason, 53000bdf14a05.preview-300

We came to the Crosswalk Church today to honor you.  You filled the church.  No, in reality the church wasnt big enough for your spirit and for all of the people who loved you.

We never know how much people mean to us usually until they are gone.   I hope I told you how much you meant to me before I moved away.  I remember the last time I saw you was at the Alano Club and we got clear with our parting of ways and we hugged and said how much we loved each other.  You said that you were afraid that I was mad at you and I told you that I wasnt, since I was the one who fired you this time after you had fired me the first two times!

I know that the work we did together helped me heal.  You may have been the one who was “working” the steps, but your courage to say the things you did to me helped me heal and drew me closer to you.

It is important that the world knew how much sobriety meant to you.  I remember walking through those steps with you.  I remember doing step three with you and how honored I was to share it with you.   I remember you saying that you couldn’t believe how much your life had changed by working the steps.

I want you to know that others knew how much sobriety had done for you.  More than one man came to me and said that they could see how much you had changed and how much calmer you had become.  They saw the peace you had found by working the steps.

But more than anything, I remember those days on the phone when you couldn’t get sobriety but yet you kept calling and we kept talking.  I remember you telling me that your friend who you used to sit with across from me at the Men’s meeting, Mike, had died of a heroin overdose and that you knew that if you continued to do what you were doing that you were afraid that you would do the same.

Jason, you made it!

You struggled with the fact that you didn’t think that people cared about you.  I will tell you my friend that there were hundreds of people there today who paid tribute to you and expressed how much you were loved.  They said the things about you that hopefully you heard before you died.  They said the things that I hoped I conveyed to you before I moved.

Your love and support for me was a gift I will hopefully never forget.  Your bounding up the stairs to knock on my door for us to do the work  we did were some of the best moments I had in those years.

It is also important that the world know how much you loved those in your life.  Your love for your children, Zoe, your mother and more pertinent to you at the time we worked together, for Dina.  They were all lucky to have you as Dad, son, wife and boyfriend.

Again, your courage to walk through the steps  and face all of those memories and demons that you shared with me was something that I will never forget. I know we were getting to a point in our work where you needed to take a break and to enjoy the wonderful life you had created by doing the work you did.

Your life exemplified the statement “having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps,” to me and to many others.

I am a better man because I knew you Jason B.

I hope you are on a golf course somewhere, putting for birdie.

Love you my brother

Jim

123 RV, SA, JW.

Quote by James Hillman

finger touching nose of baby

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