Empty Fanatic

tunnelI feel so empty
So alone
Yet so full
Of shame
And disgrace
Down by the river
I shed silent tears
No one understands
Please help me escape
This cumbersome pain
It’s not in solace
I find comfort
It’s not even in holding your hand
Depression whispers to me
Taunts me
Haunts me
Not worthy of spirit
Or space
Not worthy of love
Or embrace
Guilty of weakness
Creating wreckage in my wake
Quietly I slip away
As I’ve had all I can take
I can no longer hold this despair
I can no longer hold this fear
The whispers entice me and promise
It’s selfless to just disappear
The burden no longer heavy
My soul no longer lost
The battle no longer need waging
My tattered white flag barely waving
Please forgive me
As it’s best I don’t say goodbye
I love you dear one
Please try not to cry
Out the back door I slip
Consumed by the darkness
I have lost my grip
Its true I’ve let go
It’s me
No will to keep on
Your fire is still bright
Mine has long grown tired
Keep warm dear one
Keep fighting the good fight

123 RV, SA

stubborn-look1

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6 thoughts on “Empty Fanatic

  1. Carol,
    Thanks for your loving kindness for the Fanatic. She, like many of us, when we dont get help early on in life, suffer in unimaginable ways to most people. I am learning that there are more and more of us who are suffering with the effects of childhood abuse/trauma than we are even aware of. They say that depression is supposed to go up 50% in the next 10 years.
    I also want to thank you publicly for prompting me to blog. You were the one who told me that blogging would be helpful. I have made more friends here than I could ever imagine. I also want to thank you for the lovely pictures you put up every day for me to enjoy. Happy New Year to you dear friend.
    Jim

  2. This is very thought provoking and deep! I am glad that you express this and hope that it gives you comfort to know I care, others care and wish you could have a burning bright fire in your soul. I am hoping that when you say, ‘my dear’ that you have someone close to you! Thank you for your liking my posts and hoping that this year will have more good days than bad… Hugs, Robin

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