You know, that frustration you feel when you’re standing in this institution or place or you are having and interaction with another person, and you can see that there’s this unspoken need to be in some sort of mental agreement. The frustration that I feel sometimes when I’m standing in a place where the only thing that dominates is the rational can cause me the greatest frustration at times.
Being in the law for 15 years, that’s all that was there. It was a rare moment when a court or a prosecutor would listen to the emotional part, the intuitive part of what I was trying to say. And it wasn’t that I was trying to say anything, it’s that I was trying to get something across that couldn’t be expressed in letters and paper. So there is this deep hesitancy in me to endeavor into a place of “higher,” learning. It cannot be any different than any other institution that Hillman talks about as being a manifestation of our culture’s dis-ease.
But what I need to remember is that the people in the institution that I have hesitation about are no different than me. I’m sure many of them have their depression, there are other emotional illnesses, but as a culture we don’t talk about them. I think that’s the biggest trepidation I have is I’m not going to share my soul so someone can put it into a book and explain something about human behavior to somebody else. I think that’s what Hillman was talking about wanting was saying is we need to experience this whole process rather than intellectualize it.
“Many people who write books, novels or poems, work at night, when the day world is gone.”I struggle with this because many of the people I know want me to not be disturbed in the middle of the night and have to wake up. My mind doesn’t want me to be disturbed at night and I have to wake up. But just for an example I woke up this morning at 4 o’clock. I want to bed at like 1130 or 12, so I’ve had about four hours of sleep. I usually only get between five and seven normally anyway. But I was brought awake at 4 o’clock this morning because of some reason. So I got up and instead of playing online poker or reading a page turner I got on the blogs. I read a few things this morning that make a lot of sense to me. One was a post by a lady named Laura Kerr. Check her work out. I learned that my PTSD is always going to be there. It’s just how I can channel the energy that usually goes into trying to defuse it or deflect it into ways that can be helpful for me, for the betterment of my own life. More than anything I would like to find a way to take all of my experiences and help those other people like myself, like you, like me.
123 R.V. Forgivess-love. Permission-fear
Quotes from James Hillman