I was just talking with the Leprechaun and we were talking about two of our most loving friends. What we came to was that we struggle to be present in the sadness of our own lives because there is no vessel culturally to hold it in, and have hope in the vessel also.
I was reading some wonderful posts this morning on psychotherapy. I am now studying to get a PhD in psychology. But after reading what I read this morning, I am not so sure. What I kept reading, post after post, was a resignation to the bleakness of life and how we need to help people get to that place in their lives where they may have to curtail their hope to get some acceptance of their reality.
I watch a dear friend trying to get some contentment in their life. They are in a place where they need to try to control everything, to micromanage things in their lives. I cant say with certainty why they need to do this. I can imagine how hard it is when we realize that the things in our lives that mean something to us either are really not there for us or they are slipping away.
I see hindsight that I tried to and at times still try to control the events in my life by sticking my head in the sand. I dont criticize myself for it, I can just see how it does not serve me very well at all to do it.
I ask for the courage to do the things I need to do to take care of myself and those I love.
I write this on the same day that I posted the post about me not being able to get out of bed. I realize that I need to tap into that masculine energy, (I will leave it to my Jungian friends to tell me what it is) that is of resolve. I get it confused with anger, as I have my whole life. I know the anger kills me and pushes people away. I also ask for the courage to have resolve without making it about anger.
I have struggled to have resolve in my life. I have done things that many dont, but it was out of shame and fear. Now I am walking down a path that has been put in front of me. I would not have chose this path. I truly believe I can help those who suffer with depression and other “mental illnesses.”
 James Hillman. *I am glad that I realized to get out of form when looking for relief from the situation in front of me. No better metaphor maker for me, no better mythologist for me, than Bruce! Thunder Road, Bruce Springsteen.
Forgive me for I have been human, however I dont need your permission to receive it.