This is one of those moments that I dont like. I have been willing to sit in this dis-ease and look at it for over 3 years now. I have lost everything, I dont have a real home any more, my life seems more isolated than ever and I need an answer.
I had someone tell me last night after reading this blog, someone who I had never even met, “I think you are stuck and perseverating on your sadness. Your sorrowful writing seems like a projection to me. Remember we own our feelings.” The reference was to my comment that I see a lot of sadness and disconnect when I walk the streets in big cities.
I need a reality check from those who have read the words I have written here.
“Psychological awareness rises from errors, coincidences, indefiniteness, from the chaos deeper than intelligent control.” This is where I see their comment coming from. Trying to make sense of a journey into the abyss that we call depression is impossible if left to our thinking. If I was to use my mind to do it, I would continue to see my life as a failure.
I wanted to react in anger and criticize them and point out their inadequacies. I did send them an email and say that since I felt my inventory was being taken that I would not be communicating with them any longer. However, my mind is working overtime on this one and I cant seem to get the word “perseverating” out of my mind. I dont like being in the place I am most of the time inside. I wish I could power through it like I had done my whole life up until a few years ago. But I cant.
123 everyone. Forgiveness is about love, permission is about fear
 James Hillman