“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

2009 Mt Shasta to Oak street 018I am writing here today to talk about the fear that I am going through.  I am almost finished with my application to graduate school, actually I am just 2 letters of recommendation short.  I can have the letters written in a day, and have people to write them for me, but I am  sitting here in fear.  I am so close to what I want to do, to really help people like us who us who struggle with these confusing, scary dis-eases labeled as “mental illnesses.”

cherry-blossom-road“The pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.”  You see it makes no sense to get a Ph.D.   I am too old, I wont have time to really contribute to healing the world and anyway there are way smarter more aware people than I trying to help the world.  I would just be repeating what they are already saying and therefore it makes no sense to try to do it.

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”  I dont believe in the dominant paradigm.  Neither my culture’s nor the norm throughout the world of “mental health.”  I think we, and I use that term for the world, have lost the ability to REMEMBER why it is we are here.  In our zeal to seek comfort over all other facets of life, we have lost the ability to connect with those around us.  We have lost the ability to expose our vulnerabilities to those who we interact with.  We seek intimacy  in our partners and with our children but those are just a few people and they are not necessarily the most unbiassed people when it comes to helping us change and grow.

PTSdI am amazed that I have all of this fear and that more than anything else, I at times cant see it or over come it.  I am glad that I sat down this morning and typed this out on the keyboard instead of using the voice activated software.  It made me really think about what I am saying instead of turning on my mind and getting into my brainiac mode as the fanatic calls me.

d958efd1-2b38-42b3-b401-9a628de0379c-5228-000003e9752ad97a_zpse40ddb88Thanks for being there.  I read more on the blog world than I do in the form world of books any more.   I need your insights and could use some support today also.

123 RV.  Forgivness comes from our hearts and souls, why I need permission to give it to myself?

Quotes by C. G. Jung

wolf yosemite


3 thoughts on ““I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

  1. I so admire that you are looking to get a degree and seek to help people. That was my dream of 15 years ago that I never pursued. It’s okay, life is good and I love my current job. Like you, I do not fit well into the norm of just about everything. I can’t keep from entertaining the questions that come up when so-called experts promote solutions that seem to me to be half-baked.
    I think it takes a lot of courage to enter into the therapeutic community anyway, even though you don’t agree with a lot of the approaches they take in “healing.” Best wishes in all you do!

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