so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”  This is the struggle where I find myself today. I am in a new place, with a new life and it is so that I can go onto the life that I was put here to live. What is happening is when I get alone, and the creeping doubt of my mind comes in, I start wanting to do things that keep me stuck in the life I planned. They are the same sort of thoughts I had when I was a kid. I am not enough, dont work enough, arent smart enough, blah, blah, blah.
“Blind belief in authority is the greatest enemy of truth.” This is the unconscious behavior I am doing right now and will revert to unless I am”mindfully,” conscious. Mindfully conscious is being aware of what I am doing, feeling and thinking.
I am honoring those voices, who when I was a kid and in many ways with many of the people I know today, who say that I need to think like they do. I need to accept the limitations that they have decided I need to have.
An example. Many of my dear, dear friends and I mean that literally, dont agree with me that the root cause of depression is not biological, that is it is not caused by a “brain disorder.” I have said from the beginning of this journey called depression that it is primarily if not totally a cultural problem. It is caused by the factors and events that make up our lives.
When I am okay with myself, I say that the solution is the path I have chosen and am walking down. When I am not, when I am scared and listening to those voices inside, I think about getting my meds back out and to start taking them again.
The insanity of that is for me is that they did not work for me. Yes they might have raised the lows and lowered the highs, but they did not make the emotional pain and the mental anguish go away. They just made it “bearable!” What the hell does that word mean?
Your true nature lies not concealed deep within you, but immeasurably high above you, or at least above that which you usually take yourself to be. I am glad Nietsche was “crazy,” according to some scholars and others. Then I can negate his words I just posted and not have to honor the real me and do the things I was put here to do. I can stay as Pink Floyd said, “comfortably numb.”
But what I have learned is that I was put into this fire for a purpose. I dont necessarily get to know it when I want to know it. I may not ever get to know it. I just have to walk with the energy of loving kindness and I will do what it is that I was put here to do.
Joseph Campbell  Albert Einstein  Fredrich Nietzsche Untimely Meditations.