Whether by choice or fate, I fell into depression.
I have gone through a time of great challenge for the most of the last almost 3 years. I am now getting better at handling the madness as Jung would say.
I am in the middle of a life change. I just moved and am ready to embark on a challenging educational experience. What is wonder full about it, and we are talking for today only, is that I am not afraid of it. I was deathly afraid of law school. Afraid of failing. When I got the results that I had passed the bar, I cried for about 15 minutes solid.
Now I am looking to get a Phd. Yes I am older, but this is a calling for me, not a career choice. I am doing it because I have to do it. What is interesting is that psychology was one of my 3 career choices 23 years ago, but I chose not to do it.
I want to change the last sentence of the poem “Healing” by D.H. Lawrence which was the first post on this blog almost 4 months ago. I am posting the poem here, because this expresses to me what mental illness truly is.
“I am not a mechanism; an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds deep to the soul, to the deep emotional self
and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help
And patience, and a certain difficult repentance,
Long difficult repentance, realization of life’s mistake, and the freeing oneself from the endless repetition of the mistake
Which mankind at large has chosen to sanctify.”
It is better to seek forgiveness than it is to seek permission
I apologize for not posting the last few days.