Aside

If you desire healing

Sunset…let yourself fall ill, let yourself fall ill.” [i]

Whether by choice or fate, I fell into depression.

I have gone through a time of great challenge for the most of the last almost 3 years.  I am now getting better at handling the madness as Jung would say.

I am in the middle of a life change.  I just moved and am ready to embark on a challenging educational experience.  What is wonder full about it, and we are talking for today only, is that I am not afraid of it.  I was deathly afraid of law school.  Afraid of failing.  When I got the results that I had passed the bar, I cried for about 15 minutes solid.

gods-lightNow I am looking to get a Phd.  Yes I am older, but this is a calling for me, not a career choice.  I am doing it because I have to do it.   What is interesting is that psychology was one of my 3 career choices 23 years ago, but I chose not to do it.

I want to change the last sentence of the poem “Healing” by D.H. Lawrence which was the first post on this blog almost 4 months ago.  I am posting the poem here, because this expresses to me what mental illness truly is.

hard-heart“I am not a mechanism; an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds deep to the soul, to the deep emotional self
and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help
And patience, and a certain difficult repentance,
Long difficult repentance, realization of life’s mistake, and the freeing oneself from the endless repetition of the mistake
Which mankind at large has chosen to sanctify.”

[i]Rumi.

wolf yosemite

It is better to seek forgiveness than it is to seek permission

I apologize for not posting the last few days.

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5 thoughts on “If you desire healing

    • Sometimes when I think
      that where I am going stinks
      I have to remember that
      I turned my will and life
      over to my Ggod and Ggod
      alone decides what I will see
      and I then choose how to feel.

      When I find myself in the duality
      of what is and what is supposed to be
      Then I can never see that is only when
      I see that I can truly be free.

      It is not for me to decide where it is
      my path will take me
      Nor is it for me to decide what pain
      will teach me.
      It is only through pain do I learn that
      I am and Ggod is.

      Thank you dear friend.

  1. I switched careers and went back to grad school in my late 40s. It was worth every moment. Good luck and many blessings on this part of your journey. Please let me know if there is any way I can help?

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