A Disturbed Fanatic

humming-bird-and-snakeThe rush of feeling like superwoman is over.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         My laughter does not feel electric.
My presence is not big and vibrant.
My words are no longer strong and bold.

I hold no importance now.
I am once again insignificant and worthless.
I have no purpose in anyone’s life.
If anything I cause heartaches and headaches.

He offers me a way out.
Suggests I do not have to ride this roller coaster.
He coaxes me into planning for the end.

All my attention is given: pay credit card bills for August.

Transfer all personal money to joint account.

Write a note. Fill backpack with weights.  Don’t look back.

bridesmaidA resigned almost peaceful feeling flooded my body.

It is a viable option
A final fall into the darkness
And out of this hell

It is better to ask Ggod for the power to forgive yourself, than it is to ask Ggod for permission to hurt yourself

stubborn-look1 finger touching nose of baby

Please Breathe!


8 thoughts on “A Disturbed Fanatic

  1. “It is better to ask Ggod for the power to forgive yourself, than it is to ask Ggod for permission to hurt yourself”


  2. I’m sure you’ve told yourself this a million times over already, but allow me to say it again: you are not insignificant and worthless. It will come, it will go. Stay strong and connected with yourself my friend.

  3. It is easier said to be happy, than done! I am hoping that the weights in the backpack get emptied, that the time will heal a few of your wounds and that something nice will brighten your days. I cannot imagine how you feel but hope to know that we all care, may help.

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