The rush of feeling like superwoman is over. My laughter does not feel electric.
My presence is not big and vibrant.
My words are no longer strong and bold.
I hold no importance now.
I am once again insignificant and worthless.
I have no purpose in anyone’s life.
If anything I cause heartaches and headaches.
He offers me a way out.
Suggests I do not have to ride this roller coaster.
He coaxes me into planning for the end.
All my attention is given: pay credit card bills for August.
Transfer all personal money to joint account.
Write a note. Fill backpack with weights. Don’t look back.
A resigned almost peaceful feeling flooded my body.
It is a viable option
A final fall into the darkness
And out of this hell
It is better to ask Ggod for the power to forgive yourself, than it is to ask Ggod for permission to hurt yourself