Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts persist below the level of consciousness. At the time of these occurrences, they may have actually given our emotions violent twists which have since discolored our personalities and altered our lives for the worse. (3) This statement more than any other statement to me shows that I dont have mental illness, I am driven by unresolved emotional conflicts that are so powerful that they cause me to behave in a way that it is not always in my best interests. ACA says that depression is really unresolved grief and sadness and I agree. My ability to recognize this and to get help, not in the traditional ways, but by alternatives to the psychoanalytical route, have made it so these conflicts have less an effect on me than they did.
I had a hard day today for a while based on an unresolved conflict I have deep in me. My response to stimulus this morning was one of anger and rage. It was that way for about five minutes directly and I walked through the feelings off and on for the rest of the day.
It is a painful and dangerous undertaking to tunnel into one’s self and to force ones way down into the shaft of one’s being by the nearest path.(2) It is the hard path of constant work towards healing that doesnt conform with my mind set of what should be done and how fast. I am inpatient and want to heal NOW! I was talking with the Leprechaun the other day and we both owned how impatient we were and we agreed that our intellect was a detriment to healing in this way.
My life has been driven by these conflicts and for the most part I never have had a clue and still don’t have a conscious clue about them. These were many of the major events in my life that shaped me. What I have learned is that though those memories are no longer present for me to recall, they still can affect how I look at the world.
However, I have learned that there are ways to eliminate if not at least significantly reduce the effect those sometimes quite forgotten emotional conflicts have over me. Mindfulness meditation is NOT one of them.
123 Fanatic. To forgive is divine, to ask permission is human.
 Joseph Campbell
 Fredrich Nietzsche, Untimely Meditations
 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Step 8, pgs 79-80.