I just can’t make no connection.*

9d9e_1Everything is going in the wrong direction.
Doctor wants to give me more injections.*

Listening to a friend in the program describing that they cant get out of bed this morning and when they are around others they can.

But listening to those deep emotional conflicts is so familiar to us. When I listen to them, I get paralyzed or have to find a way to get out of the chaos of them.   Listen to it in the following tidbits I have recently learned!

I had a friend also tell me that they are binging and purging

poohI had another friend say that they were going to go and cheat on their spouse who they just married last summer.

I have a friend who cant figure out whether they want to go back to an abusive relationship, even though they know it is not healthy for them.

I just read a piece where a guy beats the hell out of himself for having depression, after he wrote a letter to a major newspaper and said he had depression to try and help others.

What is going on?  Do I know, hell no, I wouldn’t be here doing this if I did. Sorry I wouldn’t!

Oak fEnce 2What do I think?  It is all about Disconnection. From Self, from Ggod, from you.

You see, I think if I just connect to Ggod, that I am okay.  But the problem with that is that I am just really with me.  Ggod is here all the time, it is me disconnected to me that is the real problem.

I too think I want to be done with this big D shit.  Because I fear that if “you” find out I have it, you wont want to be around me.

But my buddy the painter taught me something that really is “the” answer, at least it is for me:

OTISI  sought my soul and could not see,

I sought my Ggod and Ggod eluded me,

I sought my brother and found all three.

Damn, why cant I just take a Ggod dam  little pill, a “mother’s little helper,” and be all better, be well?


Forgiveness yes, permission maybe.  123 123

I love TED talks.  That is where I first saw Brene Brown.  It was like seeing John Bradshaw again, but just a softer more “feminine,” approach to the difficult issues they both deal with. So when I saw Dr. Stephen Ilardi’s talk which one of the links for is at the bottom, I thought wonderful, someone who sees the causes of depression being more cultural than biological like pharmacology would have you believe.  That is why I asked my friend Dr. Johnson-Quijada whether she thought depression is a brain illness or not.

I also put Ruby Wax’s TED talk on depression on there.  It is 8 minutes long and you might get a chuckle.

*Montrose sang the Jagger/Richards song “Connection” in the 1970s


3 thoughts on “I just can’t make no connection.*

  1. I love that poem you quoted. I use to volunteer at my home church’s youth group and I would tell that to some of the youth who were struggling. I would tell them that if they couldn’t help themselves then they should try to help someone else because it may end up helping them both. Much like how you writing this blog is helping you sort out your thoughts and feelings but is also helping others who are dealing with similar struggles.

    But I agree, it is about connections. Things like mental illness make us believe that we need to hide and keep secrets but that usually ends up making it worse. I hope you can gain back that connection with God that you feel you’ve lost.

    • Thanks for the kind words and the encouragement. I have already written tomorrow’s opus, it is about 1500 words in two parts and it will talk about my connection with Ggod.
      Again thanks for your loving kindness. I can feel it coming through your words.

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