For the Lunatic, the Fanatic and Robin

jung-red-bookWhen I see my friends hurt,

when I hear their soul pain,

I dont know what to do,

how to make it okay.

I know that I cant,

but my heart  it breaks so,

and the only thing I can  do

is to try to tell them

that they are not alone.


4-12Because when that pain gets so  bad,

that to die is good

Then I have to do something,

to hopefully let them know

that they truly have been heard.

blind-help-1I wrote this for Loonie, Robin, the Fanatic and everyone else who has been there.

All those times when I knew that to talk was to die

I have taken those in and made it the code that I live by

When I would want to look at you and  just  say,

Please, please,  I want to  cry,

I’m scared

Can you please make it so I feel okay


img_7583Please can you hold me and make me feel safe.

I don’t know how to do this.

I am only a child, a young boy and

I need you to help me when I am scared and confused

Please, please don’t get mad at me

I am only eight.


image_zpsb606e780When I reached for you

you pushed me away,

when I cried for you,

you stayed away


baba-gopaldasji-103-yrs-age-amarkantak-ajaytao3So now I’m here all those years later

I face situations in life

Where it is easy for most

but for me I sit here frozen

because I cant understand what it is

I need to do or even think


let-there-be-light-sandeep-dasBut obeying your rule, I speak not

I seek no help, because you couldn’t

Where it leaves me is in pain

The pain that I will do anything to alleviate



clouds from planeI feel sad that you suffered so

I wish you didn’t have to experience the pain

that you must have inside


lone-teddy-penangI know it is so easy to say

that it is time for me to grow up

to make my own way

damn I wish I didn’t let you down

by being just who and what I am


mount-everest-sunset-nepalThere is one thing I want you always to remember

that I was just a little tiny child

And I was never taught how to be anything but

scared and alone and in pain


locked-doorI may be big and look grown up

But in many many ways

I am frozen in time

Like back then

when I knew that to speak

Was to die.


eye-fo-the-macaw-james-robinsonMy thoughts of suicide are no

more than honoring your voice

The one that said shut up son

Or I will give you something to cry about.


It is better to seek forgiveness than it is permission.  123

finger touching nose of baby100_1607


5 thoughts on “For the Lunatic, the Fanatic and Robin

  1. I hope that your friend Robin, the lunatic and the fanatic will be well. Along with the special one who holds them all in his heart and in his prayers find their way out of the pain. This was well written and meant a lot to me!

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