Ggod is in the silence, all the rest is poor translation.” I have got a good dose of this over the last 96 hours. What caused it isnt important, how I have responded to it is. PTSD is an understatement for me on this one.
“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” My buddy the leprechaun said it best yesterday when he said, “You are being given an opportunity to face your terror.” I am, it hurts, it sucks and ………….I am glad. My father’s rage has instilled a level of fear that is beyond fear. It is so strong that when someone rang my door the other night after this event that caused me this pain, and I froze in fear. I couldnt move. I started to cry. I have cried every day since this traumatic event. I am crying as I am writing this. My friend Monica wrote a post on her blog that was so timely for me when I saw it yesterday.* * It talks about what we carry, in our bodies, and dont process, and more dastardly than all, call “negative.”
“The demon that you can swallow gives you it’s power, and the greater life’s pain, the greater life’s reply.” Well it is time for the Ggod dam Deamon to come out and protect that part of me that hurts. That beautiful boy who opened his arms and said love with his eyes and his heart.
What the lesson is for me is to stand and up and fight for me. This is the hardest thing in the world for me to do, since doing it as a child almost always resulted in extended, rageful violence against me by those who were charged with taking care of me.
“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” I want so bad emotionally to do to those who have hurt me, what was done to me. I want to yell at them, to put my fist in their face and shake it at them, and to beat them if they don’t do what I want. But I cant, nor do I really want to.
“The cure for pain is in the pain.” I suffer from all this trauma reaction that I carry in my body. All these wounds. All this pain. I cant wish it away. I cant just turn it over to Ggod and be on my merry way. My heart, mind and soul carry it.
“Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden mercy.” Rumi can kiss my ass. Hidden mercy from what? I dont need mercy, do I?
“Only from the heart can you touch the sky.” I am so grateful that I know you are there to hear me.
“Let silence take you to the core of life.”
All quotes are Rumi, except  Joseph Campbell * I want to thank my loving dear friend G for this title. **http://beyondmeds.com/2013/06/03/terror-wants-to-be-integrated/
It is better to seek forgiveness than it is permission.